Falling Into Thought.

I remember Fall.

I remember the drive through the leaves and along the lakeshore. I recall the sight of a road lined by trees encompassing every color in the spectrum for as far as the eye can see. I remember Alanis, John Meyer, Ani and all manner of other folk rock artists guiding my car along its way. I drove to spend a weekend in a Best Western with my girlfriend, I drove to allow the one in the passenger seat to let it all out, I drove to end the pain, love the infatuation, embrace the world. I drove with a car full of friends or completely alone. My destination was not important. In the trip was the magic.

I find myself in the midst of life’s turmoil. A relationship longed treasured may come to an end because of the necessity of life. Those tears of which I spoke, the ones that prove that this has been the best time of my life, have flowed. My smile has wavered, but it has not disappeared. This is a sad end, if that is what it shall be. But, be it the beginning of something new and even more precious? Do I not hold my friends so very close to me? Would I not lay down my life for their happiness? Their safety? Just to get them to laugh? Look guys! I’ll yell, I know you’re sad, so here! I have jumped into the path of this trolley! It has to be like 50 years since anyone has been killed by a trolley!! WHAT FUN! And they would laugh and my work would be done. Actually, that is pretty funny when I think about it. Taken out by a trolley, imagine the headlines! “Man’s Face Catches Red Line To Downtown.”

The point is, friendship is just as meaningful as love, sometimes even more so. There is, however, less sex, but that’s OK. Sex just screws things up anyway, especially between friends…….ESPECIALLY between DRUNK friends!

I stood today, in front of my mirror. After I had finished my best Peter Griffin impressions and lip synced a little to Michael Bolton, I asked my reflection this simple little question: “Brooks, wanna make out?” Then I asked, “Brooks, are you happy? Right here, right now, in this moment, in your jogging outfit, about to run your fat head even further into oblivion, ARE-YOU-HAPPY?” My reflection rubbed its go-tee in a pondering sort of fashion (since I do not have glasses to whip off and chew ever so slightly whilst I think, this will have to do). After a moment, it nodded, Silent Bob style. In my thoughts I heard, “Yes, I am happy, right here, right now. We may lose her as a girlfriend, but she is amazing, she will find someone who will make her happy and we will have her as a friend, BEST friend. We may leave this place, this wonderful land of wonderful people, but we will forever have it in our minds and we will forever have it to come back to. We may be moving back home to start all over again because YOU insisted on selling EVERYTHING, even the black velveteen art, but that just means that we remain free. Things will not hold us down like they did before. And when we have things again, there will be no hurtful memories attached to it. You will no longer find hair from your long lost dog in the couch nor will you be reminded of old times and unhealthy people when you sit down at the dinner table and see the various marks that were left behind. Yes, I am happy and I can see that you are too.”

Soon, I will be wandering the shores of Lake Michigan. The colors will be changing, the sweaters will come out (along with my uber sexy coat!), the Fall décor, the crisp breeze, the overwhelming urge to hop in my car and go enjoy it. I may be wandering that beach with friends, a new someone or all on my own. Right now, that matters not. Life’s journey continues on. Life’s choices bring with them life’s consequences. This is my time, this is my place.

Will this new vision come true? Will life completely turn around on me again? Who knows? All that is known for certain is that, day by day, I will live. Someday my life will flash before my eyes, my job is to make certain that the show is a good one!