The Japanese Love A Good Brew

Well, today began like most days have here in Guatemala……with a hangover and an appointment with a real Japanese Geisha.

In adhering to my constantly positive outlook on life, one that I have had for sometime now and has only been reinforced by my current read, “Yes Man,” I decided that, even though I could find no one else who wished to pay the Q50 cover charge, I would still go to Casbah and watch the Cirque Soleil experience! This was to be a liberating hour long adventure. Just me, myself and I in Antigua’s “best” discothèque, watching what promised to be (by the picture on the brochure) an exciting bit of daring!

I arrived at Casbah at 8PM, the designated time for the event to begin and also the designated time for the beginning of an hour’s worth of free drinks that came included with your cover charge. So, as often happens when free things are offered in Guatemala, Casbah was, of course, still closed at 8PM. Always the adventurer, I made my way into Reilly’s, an Irish pub on the Arch Street.

Now, I have heard stories of beautiful bartenders…….stories that would make even the hardest sailor blush and shed a tear…….stories of such beauty as not to be believed. My friends, this bartender beat them all! I stood with my back to the bar, scoping out the Irish Guatemalan scene when I heard her ask for my order. I turned and choked. As I turned I said the following “I would like a guy…..” To this, she smirked a bit. Her eyes twinkled with mischief and she remarked that I may want to try another bar for that one. I cleared my throat with a high pitched cough and finished my order by saying “Oh……I would like a Gallo!” Now, Gallo is the national beer here in Guatemala. It is pronounced “Guy-yo.” So, being cut off by my man brain in mid beer order gave off the impression that I was, in fact, ordering myself a healthy piece of man meat, when, in fact, I was not. Anywho, back to her looks. She had a sort of Cleopatra thing going on. Very short, black hair, very sharp features, sporty as hell and incredibly black eyeliner that made her appear as though she may, at one time, have been Satan. He is supposed to be God’s most beautiful angel, you know, and some say Satan is a chick. Well, send me to hell lads, for I am in love with Satan!

I nursed my beer, keeping an eye on Casbah’s door. When it opened, and a proper amount of blokes and blokets had entered, so I would not appear creepy as I was with myself, and only myself, I plopped the empty Gallo bottle on the bar and turned to go.

“Sure you don’t want another guy, babe?” Ahhhhhhhhh, the sound of the dark one. I chuckled through my renewed embarrassment, said thanks, but no, promised I’d be back to order something with an easy name and left. NEVER hit on the bartender chick! They know how to play a bloke! Especially when they used to be Satan.
I entered through the darkened hallway and black light ambiance of Casbah. I was already mostly deaf before I even made it into the club. The thieves at the door took my Q50 and the thieves at the bar (not anywhere near as fun as Satan had been) claimed that they had no knowledge of any free drinks. Of course not. I made my way to the second level, eager to avoid the dance floor. I have only been to Casbah a few times since my arrival in Guatemala. Believe me, Casbah could be fun, but not for a lone person. I am 6’3” and no slouch when it comes to a brawl. I am quite certain that I have been raped there on at least one occasion. At 15 minutes to 9, I had a slightly worried feeling that this night wasn’t going to be the quick in, grab a beer and some pics then out night that I had envisioned. The show hadn’t even begun yet. I stood at the railing overlooking the dance floor, laser lights penetrating my pupils as increasingly annoying music penetrated my ear canals. I watched people in various states of duress, or bliss, could not quite figure which, ply their art on the dance floor. Some began popping tiny white pills at about 10PM. I had been standing at the railing for over an hour buying overpriced beer so that they would not make me move into the madness that had now penetrated up onto the second floor. For my troubles, my horrid beer tab and my incredibly stupid Q50 at the door, I had seen one juggler, a man who could not even juggle as the lighting was club lighting (strobe lights, lasers, etc.) and thus not too conducive to juggling. I was getting dirty looks from the DJ and hot and heavy looks from his girlfriend. A pair of hippie chicks (the only other foreigners in the place) were getting a bit too close for comfort (these types ALWAYS have incredibly awkward proposals) and an unhealthy ratio of guys to girls had blossomed. It was time for me to go. But where? I had Gallo flowing through me like Red Bull, I did not want to stop, I had just caught my second wind!

When my pocket vibrated, I at first thought that the hippie chicks had finally gotten to me, but then remembered my phone. I reached for it and found a text from a very good Guatemalan friend, Karen, inviting me to Riki’s, a sweet little joint loved by locals and non-locals alike. I made my way out of the club and into the street. There I found street performers doing their thing for FREE!!! I wandered to Riki’s shaking my head the whole way.

In Riki’s I found Karen with Rachel (another friend here in Antigua, from the Boston area) sitting at the bar. I ordered myself another Gallo and began the convo! We talked about Safe Passage (always a lovely topic, especially when I am not there anymore), sex, beer, love, the beach, Brooks getting raped yet again at Casbah, and myriad of other things that I can not, at the moment, recall. By this time in the evening, I was not possessing much memory talent.
I received a phone call from Stephanie (girlfriend) and decided to finish my beer (a litro, did I mention that? Yes, one needs to buy a liter of beer so as to not have to push one’s way through a sea of people every 10 minutes to get another beer, brilliant, yes?) and make my way to Mono Loco where she was with friends. I threw back the rest of my brew, kissed the girls goodnight and went off to my fourth bar of the evening.

Upon my arrival at Mono Loco, I, you guessed it, ordered yet ANOTHER beer (perhaps 50 for the evening) and sat amongst Ed, Erick, Barbara and Stephanie and talked…..mostly about Safe Passage, but also a bit about how I had just been robbed by fake jugglers and wiley circus folk. By 1AM, we had raised our last bottle and were fumbling our way through the park. We made our way to the taxi stand and tried to get a proper price for a cab home, but no one was willing to bargain, so we decided to just walk it. Steph and I discussed the Universe on our 15 minute walk home. We decided that it did revolve around her. When we arrived, we found Erick and Ashley waiting to share one more round before bed.

Now, thanks to my conviction that yes, I was going to go to the circus thing, I had just done a full evening of bar hopping by myself! Have YOU ever bar hopped, and had a completely smashing time, by yourself??

“Ahhhhhhh,” thought I as I sipped my Arbor Mist yet again, “Life is good.”

This morning I awoke to the prospect of finding Steph and me some breakfast. I wandered into the middle of Antigua where a marching band was hammering away. I would really like to meet the moron who introduced the Guatemalans to marching bands and beat the daft chap over his head with a tuba! There was a book fair, a chess championship, a carnival, a stage with loud music (that went brilliantly with the marching band) and a line out every restaurant’s door. So, I ventured into Pollo Campero and bought us a typical breakfast of eggs, fried plantains, black beans and bread and returned home.

This afternoon I went with an acquaintance turned friend to a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. It was tranquil, lovely, Zen and tasty! The tea was strong, the pastry sweet and the people cool. The Geisha who led the ceremony was incredibly hot to boot, so, all was good in the world, yet again!

Life is sweet here in Central America! Only in Guatemala would I find a traditional Japanese tea ceremony put on by a Spanish speaking Japanese Geisha to be the perfect cure all for a thumping head after a night that began with falling in love with a girl who was quite possibly the devil herownself, moved on to being ripped off by the circus (wasn’t even a bloody elephant!) and ended amongst good friends and my lovely girlfriend, who does not know that I fell, ever so briefly, for the Princess of Darkness, but would completely understand if she found out.